What kind of a stalker are you?

{{NSFW}}
Ok, so there is weird guy who is always staring at me. I am currently locked in a windowless basement, and right now wondering how the fuck I got here. I'll tell you this strange, strange story, well, at least what I can remember.
So it was a crappy summer's day, because for some reason summer is really cliche. So anyway, there I was walking down to my work as a person who makes this weird, flexible rubber and it gets made into something I've never known (apparently a 'happy medicine'), then I got a call from my boss.
"Now listen up, dumbnut, we got a big order today, and he is very (a word I didn't hear, sounded like 'allowed') so ya gotta be quick with your manu whatever you actually do here. So double quick to work today."
Big orders were rare in this weird ass company I worked at, but nevertheless I enjoyed it. Just the novelty of not knowing what the hell I'm making. I seemed to have the only job of doing what I did, but whatever the others did it didn't sound like they bloody enjoyed it. I heard moaning and groaning from the room next door (called 'the filming room', whatever the Hell was in there), so I felt lucky to have my job.
But, I wouldn't have that job for long.
I was walking past an alleyway, when a silhouetted man appeared. I couldn't see him clearly, just a messed up looking shadow. It looked like he had feathers on his head and boots. He then said,
"Hey, man. I got a new job for ya. Just put your address here."
Another job?! Yay! Being the fucking retard I was, I wrote down my address with no hesitation.
"I'll be waiting for ya, Hanson."
Or at least it sounded like he said Hanson. Maybe he thought that was my name.
So after work (nothing much happened there, same fucking things), I popped down the the shop.
I needed to go here for some Spooky Spaghetti, my favourite, when I saw a strange looking man.
He was holding roses, and he wore circular glasses. On his head he wore some kind of Indian hat, and on his feet he wore rollerskates with feathers on them. His shirt said "The queer Illuminati"
Probably a fucking gay.
He bought some binoculars, something that looked like a deflated balloon, and a big coat.
Wait, his appearance... I'd seen that before! That silhouetted man!
"Thanks, honey." He said to the shopkeeper.
"And I'll sure see you somewhere else, handsome." He whispered to me.
He then skated out of the shop, leg flexed up.
I then thought about what I gave him.
I needed to know more about this man. I slipped out the door, still holding my Spooky Spaghetti. He was striding along, still holding his bouquet of roses. I thought I should talk to him.
"Uhh, those for a special someone?"
"Yeah, this persons reeeal special. Very handsome as well (looking me up and down, was this guy fucking queer?!)... Bye then, handsome."
After a closer inspection of his face, he seemed around 30 - 39. I stayed behind him for a while, seeing where he was going. After a few minutes of him striding along, legs held high, I then decided to let him loose. After all, my car was here over at my friends house. I got into my Rolls Royce, and drove along to my house.
At my house, I went to go make some coffee. I stuck on the kettle, then a strange feeling overcame me, like I was being watched... I quickly checked my window... no one. Phew.
I got to my computer. I had an e-mail from gaystrider291@toobeloomail.fu.ck. Who on earth was that? I opened it, and it said, "ready when you are, handsome… Love from Cyloueted McMahon."
Who the hell is that?! I switched off the monitor, and peeked outside. There was that man peeking in on me! He had alot of deflated balloons now. He was waving them slowly in front of my face. Wait a second... I had a big order to make... balloons are made of rubber... 2+2=9... He was the man who wanted the big order! And that is what I've been making... Deflated balloons for a company called Durex!
I quickly closed the curtains, amd I heard a parcel come through my door.
It was a bouquet of roses.
He then, opened the door and I felt a pain in my arm, then sleepiness...
That is all I can remember. So here I am now, in this cold basement, deprived of food and wat-
Wait, I heard a knock on the door. It's him! Cyloueted McMahon! He is waving the balloons at my eyes...
"What kind of a stalker are you?" I exclaim.
"Your favourite."
I clumsily stand on my feet, and I try to escape. I need to get away from this... creep. He starts to undo his zipper, and I pick up a stone from the cracked concrete floor and throw it at his shlong. He yells in pain, well, of course he did! Yes, now he is wounded, I can sprint to the door and find a way out of this house. I kick him in the gut, just to make sure he is down, then I sprint to the door. In the distance, I could hear the faint words of,
"Bitch, you got knocked the fuck out!"
I looked around in the house I was in. Huh, I've never seen this place before. Probably the creep's domain.
-A few days later...-
I'm back at my house now, feeling different. I'll tell you what happened before I got here.
So, after I got up the stairs I went into the kitchen. I know this kinda sounds fucked up, but I went into the kitchen to see what kind of food he had. Just to see what kind of food he ate, not like I was gonna steal anything...
He had rice, Vaseline, chips, Spooky Spaghetti, deflated bal-
Oh, Spooky Spaghetti! Just what I wanted to eat! Uh, I mean... to experiment on. Yeah. Experiment on. So after I was done eat- experimenting on the Spooky Spaghetti, I heard footsteps come up the stairs. Shit! I had to get out quick. But first, I spilled some hot kettle water at the stairs *by accident*.
I opened the door and flew out. I was away from him! Wait, where the hell was I?! It was night time, but some of the house lights were on. Maybe I could ask around, see where I was.
I took a deep exhale, and knocked on a door.
The man who responded to my knock, was a man with scratched up clothes, and he looked very tired out. He opened the door, then after looking at who I was, he yelled out
"Aww, shit! Really? What the fuck do you guys got against us man?! First, my whole family get raped by the fucking queer-looking Illuminati, and in walks another!"
"Wha- What are you talking about?"
I looked down at what I was wearing. Shoes with feathers, a shirt saying "The queer Illuminati", and on my head (can't believe I never realized) an Indian hat.
Ok, fuck.
"No no no no, it's not what it looks like! I was about to be ra-"
"Man, fuck off!"
He then slammed the door shut.
So did Cyloueted McMahon dress me as one of his group, because he knew I was going to escape and look around town, then rape me?! I looked back down at my new shirt. The queer Illuminati... so that's what the job was...
From other houses I could hear screaming, then other members of this group come out of houses. Oh shit! I had to hide quick or else they would take me as one of them! I also had to change clothes...
I hid behind a nearby hedge, then I took off my hat, ripped the feathers from my boots, and turned my shirt inside out and backwards. I then realized how stupid I was being. If I dress as a normal person, they would rape me, which was even worse than having then take me as their group!
I planned my escape: that town was in some kind of valley between two hills, so if I hid behind the houses until they are gone, I would run up the hill then see from a height where I was. Only, they took a long while to go.
A long, long while.
As in hours.
I screamed out, "Fuck it! If this is on the trollpasta wikia, anything can happen!"
So I whipped out my Ocarina of Time, and played the Song of Time to skip ahead a few hours. It was daytime, and The queer Illuminati seemed to be gone. Phew! I then walked down the street to a nearby shop, to see if I could buy some new clothes.
A few people pointed at me, and someone screamed, "Run!" I looked down at my clothes again. They were back! What the hell?! I tried to calm them down, by saying I wasn't one of them, but they still ran out of the shop. I ripped off my shirt out of anger.
It came back.
I smashed my hat off of a counter, it repaired and magically reappeared on my head.
I took off my shoes and threw them on the road. A nearby car rode over them.
Not surprisingly, they reappeared too.
I tried to rip off my shirt again. I was slapped by a phantom hand, and it cried out "STOP IT BITCH!"
Great.
Now I couldn't stop wearing these gay clothes. But what if I put clothes over it, I though to myself. Then people wouldn't see my clothes! I put all kinds of clothes over it, well, attempted to.
Whatever I put on was ripped apart by an invisible force.
I wanted to get back to my normal life! To my house, near the beautiful seaside, and to my normal work, and to my pet rock!
A buzz went off in my pocket. It actually made me jizz in fright. I never knew there was something in my pocket! I looked down into my pocket and sure enough, there was a mobile phone.
Well, if it was a phone.
It was a phone, with pink jewels as its protective case. Little golden swirls were horribly glued on and the screen was tinted pink.
Besides from its appearance, it was actually an alright phone. Almost no lag, perfect internet connection and even FLAPPY BIRD!!
Ahem, that isn't the point though. I had a text saying,
"Hey, 527. Need you for your next assignment. Your lover,
PATRIXXX"
On my hat, can't believe I never realized was the number 527 flashing, big and bold.
Shit.
Most people are nervous for their first day at work.
I was fucking terrified.
I was teleported to a cave with candles along the edges.
PATRIXXX simply handed me a note saying "Micheal McCliche, Haywood St. No. 432"
AGAIN, I was teleported to an unknown place. It was simply a narrow road, with very similar looking houses on either side of it all the way down it. The houses were semi-detached, and I guess they were fairly big. In a garden there were children playing, and on the house had the number 432.
So I had to rape the father of a family?
No way in hell was I gonna do that!
I braced my embarrassment, and walked into the garden. The children just stared at me not knowing who I was or what I was going to do. Just oblivious to everything.
Not knowing how I was going to affect their family.
I couldn't do this! No! I picked up my courage, and knocked on the door with a steady fist.
The man who answered me was dark haired, stubby beard, and quite a stern looking face. I could see a lady in the background, half undressed, saying "Come on, Michael! I can't wait forever!" He had a very erect pe-
Wait a second! He was my boss!
He whispered to himself "Oh, for fuck sake Drake, what do you want! Can't you see I'm busy!"
"I'm here to warn you."
"What the fuck about! And why are you dressed the exact same way as that man who wanted that big order?"
"Actually, that's what I'm here about. You see, that man you gave that big order to was a part of a group, The Queer Illuminati. They stalk people then rape them, and then proceed to rape their family. They have tricked me into joining them, and now I cant get these darn clothes off. You need to help me."
"Look, I'm in the middle of a recording here ok?! And of course I'll help you take down your little fantasy group,"
"I'm being serious! They assigned me to... uhh... use you."
"Fuck off!"
"YOU WILL BELIEVE ME NOW SO THAT THIS FUCKING TROLL PASTA CAN MOVE ON! I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THE SAME BLOODY STORY FOR AGES!"
"...Fine. Now what the hell do you need."
"Now, to take down PATRIXXX, of course we need a kit containing an alarmclock, a lampshade, and a plastic tub to make a tesla coil, then we need some ass protectors and deflated balloons to keep us safe. PATRIXXX has the worst case of AIDS. We also need nutella because, why the hell not?!"
"Yep, got all that in my sock."
"Ok, great!"
"Oh, and we can't take down The Queer Illuminati with just us 2. We need more people to dominate their Assholes!"
"I know people who need revenge."
I got my teleporter, and teleported back to that village that got raped. I gathered a handful of villagers, the rest ran away screaming "PROTECT YOUR ASSHOLES!" Those willing to do it were either retarded or almost dead.
Perfect!
We were now ready to rally our troops. I did a head count. 1...2...3......7...8, 9 including me. That was a perfect amount to take down The Queer Illuminati, consisting of over 2000 rapists!
We were actually gonna do this...
BUT NOT NOW BECAUSE THIS PASTA IS GETTING WAAAY TOO LONG SO WAIT UNTIL THE SEQUEL, BITCH!
TO BE CONTINUED...